Q: Why does it need Magenta to print a black text document?
A: Stop trying to find logic in hardware designed purely for psychological warfare. The printer cartel feeds on your tears and your wallet. Just pay the toll.
Q: Who is Gary from IT, and why won't he just come down and fix it?
A: Gary is a survivor. He last attempted to install a printer driver on Windows ME in the year 2000 and never mentally recovered. His contract now explicitly bans him from touching anything capable of a "paper jam". Do not even open a ticket.
Q: Can I pray to the printer to make it work?
A: God abandoned printers, so now only black magic powers them. Please try to explain logically why a plain text PDF requires a firmware update and 30% yellow ink to print. This level of pure evil proves the existence of a higher power. Checkmate, atheists.
